La Cafetera.Net - Mala Onda

Sometimes my blog comes up on Google searches.  For this reason, I hope to save a few gringos from making the mistake of going to La Cafetera.net.  I get it.  It's close to your Spanish school or your hostel.  It's got food, coffee, booze, AND computers!  There's a clean bathroom, and a bookstore attached.  When I first arrived in Xela close to five months ago, I was even impressed by the prices--because I didn't know how prices work here.  Yes, it's cheaper than restaurants in the US or in Europe.  That's because food is cheaper here!  La Cafetera.net is a ripoff!  They charge to use their wireless.  The service is so-so, and the waitstaff has been known to flirt with gringa Spanish students to a point of awkwardness.  The prices are ridiculous for the quality of food served.

I have begun selling sandwiches for 10-15Q.  My sandwiches are seriously quality.  Yesterday, for example, I was selling the "Italiano en Guatemala" for 15Q: mayo, italian dressing, ham, salami, chorizo, queso fresco, lettuce, and tomato--all in generous quantities--on a fresh baguette.  And I made a profit off of it.  After my second successful day of sandwich-vending, I decided to relax and enjoy someone else's cooking.  I wanted to see how a restaurant that charges twice as much as I do does a sandwich.

My first hint of a problem was in the menu itself.  I saw "Sandwich de Chuleta," which I was pretty sure meant porkchop.  I thought, 'I'm on Piggy Rumspringa.  Maybe I'll give that a try.'  Then I saw the English translation, which said "Steak sandwich."  'Even better,' I thought.  I wish I had timed how long it took for my food to come.  It was at least a 15-20 minute wait for a simple sandwich in an uncrowded restaurant, and people who arrived after me and ordered far more complicated dishes were served first.  (I had also very politely informed the waiter that I was in a bit of a hurry.)  When my "sandwich" finally came, it was indeed pork, although a very small quantity of it.  (When I explained the translation error in the menu to the staff I was told "well most of our customers know what chuleta means."  You're welcome, jerks.  And secondly, bullshit.  I've never seen that place with less than 50% gringa customers.)  The bread was soggy, though there was no sauce on it.  The melted cheese was hard.  There was a strip of lettuce and some tomato.  And I even got a side of stale chips!  Fortunately some sort of mediocre, almost-spicy sauce came on the side, along with ketchup, which I used generously to make the sandwich palatable.  I feel so ripped off.  I can't believe I just wasted my hard-earned money on that.

My advice to fellow travellers:  You can find MUCH cheaper and better food here in Xela.  If you want to overpay, go to El Cuartito.  Their menu's a bit pricey for Guatemala, but not bad at all and more economical than La Cafetera.net.  They are located about two blocks from La Cafetera.net, closer to the park, and their food and drink is phenomenal!  Plus they have live music almost every night. 

OK.  That's my two cents.  Off to do some prep cooking for tomorrow's sandwiches!